These are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling):

My son is under a doctor's care and

should not take P.E. today.

Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being

absent. She was sick and I had her

shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John

being absent on Jan. 28, 29,

30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim

today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for

a few days. Yesterday he

fell out of a tree and misplaced

his hip.

John has been absent because he had

two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because

he was playing football.

He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school

today because she has been

bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he

has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from

school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being

absent yesterday. He had

---diahre--- ---dyrea---

---direathe--- the sh-ts.

Please excuse Tommy for being

absent yesterday. He had diarrhea

and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because

he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It

was his father's fault.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing

school yesterday. We forgot

to get the Sunday paper off the

porch, and when we found it

Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week

from Friday. We have to

attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday

because she was tired.

She spent a weekend with the

Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being

absent yesterday. He had a cold

and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent

yesterday. She was in

bed with gramps.

Please excuse Burma, she has been

sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16,

because she had a fever,

sore throat, headache and upset

stomach. Her sister was also

sick, fever and sore throat, her

brother had a low grade fever

and ached all over. I wasn't the

best either, sore throat and

fever. There must be something

going around, her father

even got hot last night.